I was talking to a friend last night that had recently broken up a person that she adored greatly, and someone that she had a lot of feeling for. Everything was rosy for a time, but then the unthinkable happened for her. The person that she loved dearly and did everything for said that he felt the time with her was over. He felt that he didn’t “love” her in that kind of way. Furthermore, they had already been intimate, and for her that was special. And now, it showed it meant nothing.

I talked and listened to what she had to say. There are things that she said that made me feel mad toward that man. I won’t say the details, but nevertheless as a result she felt that the reason why he felt like that way towards her was because of her. I thought otherwise. She felt used. I felt that she should not consider that it was her fault. She was the perfect lady. It’s his loss.

This got me wondering about men’s behaviours when it comes to having a relationship with a woman. I wonder how many men out there are like that to their partners? Drop the pinball on them after being intimate for such a long time? I think that there are a few out there. Woman that want the ‘package’ man with the fast car and loads of cash, in my humble opinion are going to get burned.

This is simply because these men “KNOW” about themselves. They know that they can get whatever girl they like. So they just choose to be with a girl until they have had their fun wrapping them into their fingers and then dropping the bomb on them once the going gets tough.

There are men out there, whose character the opposite. They are charming, but they may not have the “full” package with cars, the looks…money. But you can be guaranteed that they will be fun loving people that will stay with you in good times or bad.

I am currently watching a Japanese series called 電車男 (Train Man). Its based on a true story aboout a Otaku(おたく, a geek, that stumbles across an encounter with a beautiful woman on the train station. The reason why he meets up with her is because a drunk was harrassing her and he manages to have the guts to stand up to the guy. To cut the long story short, he is attracted to her and seeks help on the Japanese forums 2Channel.

I will not dispense with the details with the movie, I know that some of you might like to watch it. But I would just like to reflect on some of the things within the film. The feeling of being an outsider (and perhaps being shunned) is something that I am referring to here.

Being shunned, stereotyped, highighted is something that can damage character. It can make us go more into our "shell". Inside we lose our confidence and we believe ourselves to be that a much worse person that we make ourselves out to be.
I can say for certain that I can empathesise with the main character in this story, Yamada, who is instantenously stereotyped because of his interests and his appearance.

It really makes me wonder sometimes what our society has become. Is it something that we as society do to "avoid" a certain type of character because we might be be scared that people will laugh at us if we associate with a certain type of people that might be considered strange or funny?

What are your thoughts of how we evaluate the character of people?

Being oneself, solitude, being by oneself. This all constitutes being alone. For some this means that there is a innate desire that we have to be with someone or be doing social activities. Without this “fix” they don’t know what they would become.

I did a bit of research on what this phenomena is and what words may explain it better. For the time that I spend on doing this, I found that the closest word that I found that fits is the “Autophobia“.

Autophobia (as defined as by dictionary.com) is simply “a fear of being alone or of one’s self”. I am sure that there maybe people that really seize up when they are by themselves and cannot stand it. There are obvious signs. However, I tend to think of degrees. Its not just as plain as good, or bad, white or black.

This means that people might have some form of Autophobia without feeling the clammy hands and a sweaty forebrow, BUT there maybe a tingly feeling that they should be with someone or do a social activity with their own knit group.

Sometimes I can see this where there has to be an event for every single “small” event that happens. Even to the level to say “we’ll meet just to hang“. What is it about hanging? I’ll tell you the dialog when people are just “hanging”:

A: “How was your day?”
B: “I am fine? How was yours?”
A: “Oh it was great, what are you doing tomorrow?”
B” I dunno…wanna hang?”

Ok it is a simplified case, and I am sure that there is more that goes with that, but the fact is that its a pretty plain session, which purpose is pointless.

There are benefits of being in solitude and perhaps exploring that may explain why people have the need to hang to perhaps avoid these moments. One article that I read (the author name eludes me) suggests that in our time of solitude we are able to reflect who we are and even learn about different things.

Is it possible that for those people that are constantly looking to socialise at every opportune moment trying to avoid this? I don’t know, but it would certainly interesting to see.

Fire back to me about this, I am certainly interested what others have to say about this essay or whether they could have some answers or perspectives.